Behind closed doors
by musicart-life
Summary: Logan is hinding someting from the people he loves. What happenes when he starts to show signs that he needs help?
1. Daddy's home

_**Disclaimer:**_**_ I do not own Big Time Rush_**

chapter 1 : Daddy's home

_Ring._

I rolled over and picked up my phone ,without looking at the caller id.

"Hello," I said,with my morning voice.

"Hi son. I was wondering if you can came pick me up at the airport? My car wouldn't work," Danny , my dad , said.

"Yea I'll be there in an hour and a half or so."

"Well then hurry up."

With that I guess Danny lost his patience and took it out on me and hanged up. Not that it's someting new. I got up a took a shower , throw on a shrit , jeans and my jacket. I went down stairs and got some cereal . Once I open the door I was hit with the cold wind. I got in the car and dove. _'Crap, I don't know which airport his in,_`_I thought. _I stoped at a red light and dug in my pocket for my phone and start dialing. _'God I'm going to pay for_ this.`

"What do you want?" Danny asked.

"I just need to know which airport your at," I said.

"Rose. Airport Rose. Oh and hurry the fuck up , you little piece of shit," Danny then hanged up.

~**an hour amd ten minutes later~**

I saw my father siting in his car, that was far out from the parkind lot. I stop in front of it. I saw him simile he got out and threw his things in the back-seat . Then he sat in the passenger seat.

"What are you going to do with the car?" I asked.

"Tomorrow your going to come and get it towed," he told me. "Got it Logan?" He asked.

"Yes sir," I said.

"Good now dive so we can haves some fun when we get home"

I did as I was told.

~ **at the** **house ~**

"Logan can you get my things and throw them in my room then go to our room?" Danny asked.

"Yea," I responed.

I got his things threw them in his room then went to our room. I sat on the bed and waited. It wasn't longer till the door opened.

"I missed you Logan. Did you miss me?"

"Yes. I did miss you" _'not`_

"Good"

With that I felt his lips on mine. I felt his hands on my chest pushing me back. Once I was laying on the bed Danny's hand moved down to my pants. His lips sill on mine. Danny then started to take off my pants , holding me down.

**~about an one hour or two later~**

_ Ring._

I got out of bed and looked for my phone.

_Ring._

It was on my clothes,that was on the floor next to the bed. I went over and picked it up.

"Hello," I said.

"Hey Logie are you coming over or what " Kendall asked me.

"What do you mean?"

"To the Diamond's so we all can do our homework"

"Oh. What time was I should have been there at?"

"At 12 and now it's like 3."

"Oh."

"Hey man are you ok?"

" Yea. I'm fine , i'll be there in an hour or so."

"Ok. Bye then."

"Bye."

Atfer i hanged up I hoped in to the shower. I turned on the hot water then took out my razor. I pined it under my left rib cageand side it acoss my skin.

_ 'Dirty. Worthless. Slut. Ulgly. Hoe. No one care about you. Dirty.` I thought as I cut._

I stoped when the water got a little cold. I then started to shower. I cleaned my cuts and bandaged it. I went to my room and threw on clothes. I went to 'our room' as Danny likes to call it and got mine and his clothes off the floor and threw them in the dirty bin. I went down stairs to get some food but there wasn't anybut beer and I will have none of that . '_I guess I ate the last thing this morning._ _Whatever I bet is cooking. Maybe Danny wiil gave me money to buy food tomorrow but I wouldn't count on it. Oh well.` _With that I grab my cer keys and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?" Danny asked behind me.

"The Diamond's," I said, not turning around.

"Oh. Ok then."

I walked out amd locked the door behind me. Got in the car and dove off.


	2. Dad, Danny Sir?

** Disclaimer: I do not Big Time rush**

_Chapter 2: Dad, Danny, Sir?_

I got out the car and walked in. I saw Kendall and James siting on the floor. Carlos laying on the floor near the stairs. Mr Diamond, Papa and Katie were siting on the couches watching some cop show. Mama Knight,Mrs Garrica and Mrs Diamond were in the kitchen talking.

"Logan hurry up. We need your help," Carlos whined.

"Dude were's your homework?" Kendall asked.

"Don't need it. Unlike you guys I did it yesterday," I said.

"Yea yea. Come on we really do need your help," James said.

I walked over and sat next to Kendall and James. Carlos layed in front of my feet. Then I got to work.

**~ 30 minutes later ~**

"Get it now?" I said.

"Yea," they said at the same time.

"How come everyone's here," I asked.

"Mom wanted to talk and Katie can't be by herself," Kendall said without looking away from his work.

"Yes I can," Kate yelled over to us.

"My mom also wanted to talk and my dad didn't want to be home alone" Carlos said looking at me then back at his homework.

"My mom and dad live here," James said smiling.

**~ 30 more minutes later ~**

Finally the guys fisinhed their homework. We sat there talking about the game we were going to paly next week.

"Hey Logan come here," Papa yelled to me.

I got up and so did Carlos,James and Kendall. I sat next to Papa, Carlos and Kendall sat next to Katie and James sat next to his dad.

"Why were you late? I'm only asking because that's not like you," Papa said.

"Yea. Why were you?" Kendall added.

"I had to go pick Dann- I mean my dad up from the airport," I said.

"Wait. You call you dad Danny?" Katie asked.

"I call him that sometime," I said.

"What do you mean," Mr Diamond askd.

"We don't have the best relationship," I said.

"So you call your dad Danny?" James asked.

_'I bet they're going to trying to understand,`I thought._

I guess the lady's heard this beacause they came. Mrs Diamond sat next to James, Mrs Garcia sat next to her husband and Mama Knight sat by herself.

"I call him dad, Danny or Sir," I said, starting to get uncomfortable with this.

"Why do you call him those names," Katie asked

"Guys why don't we talk about something differnt?" Mama Knight asked

_'I guess she saw that I was geting uncomfortable`_

"No it' ok. I call him dad because he is. I would never call him Danny face to face. Lasty I would call him sir is if I get in to trouble," I said.

I only keep talking because of two reasons. 1)If I don't the guys wouldn't leave me alone. 2) Papa may think I am hinding someting.

"Defined you geting in trouble," said Mr Diamond

"Like not geting a 100 on a test, not doing my chores or not doing what I was told to do. Things like that," I said.

"What! Not getting a 100 on a test does you dad know how hard that is. I mean you a AP classes and that's hard even for you," Carlos yelled.

"Carlos calm down. It only matters when his here anyway," I said.

"What do you mean?" Mrs Garcia asked.

"I can fail a test when away and he wouldn't find out so he can't get mad at me," I said trying to explain.

"Why wouldn't he find out?" Papa Garcia asked

"Beacause he doesn't call," I said.

"Logan you know that's a type of child abuse."

_'Oh-no Papa in cop mode,' I thought._

"No it's not because he wants to but he can't beacuse his job wouldn't let him," I lied.

"Oh ok," Papa said not believing me.

"Wait why don't you call him Danny face to face?" Kendall asked.

"It disrespectful," I said.

_'Not only that I would get slapped`_

"Mrs Diamond is there any food I can eat?" I said not only to change the topic but becaude I was hungry.

"Oh yes it sould be done by now," Mrs Diamond said as she got up.

Eveyone got up and follwed her to the kitchen. We sat down and dug in. After we ate we when back to the living room. I sat next to James and on the other side of him was Carlos. Katie sat with Mama Knight and Kendall. Mrs Garcia sat next to Papa and Mrs Diamond . With that Mr Diamond sat by himself . Everyone talked about their day. (I didn't say a word about what my dad did). Carlos suggest that we watch movies. On the 3rd one all the girls were out (yes even Katie). On the 4rd movie James fell a sleep on my shoulder. A little later I was out.

* * *

If you confused Papa is Mr. Garcia. Logan calls him that because 'Papa` is his father figure and he loves Papa like he is Logan's dad. Yes Logan love papa more then his really dad ,I mean I would to. If calling , Papa to confusing tell me so I can change it to Papa Garcia. Thanks for reading !


	3. Punishment

**Dislaimer : I don't own Big Time Rush**

_Chatper 3: Punishment_

_ Ring._

_'Is that a phone,is it my phone?` I asked myself._

_ Ring._

I took my phone out of my pocket trying hard not to wake James up.

"Hello," I said.

"Were the hell are you! It's three in the fucking morning!" Danny's voice boomed.

"Sorry I went to sleep ," I whispered.

"I didn't ask why, I asked were the fuck your at."

"At the Diamond's. Like I told you I would be at."

_'Crap why did I say the last part,`I thought._

"Are you back talking to me?"

"No sir"

"Come home now'

Danny hanged up. I carefully got James off me ,with out waking him up. I was almost at the door then hear steps behinded me, so I turned around and saw Papa.

"Were are you going Logan?" Papa asked me in a whisper.

_'I bet not to wake up the other. Wait did I wake him up?`_

"Did I wake you up," I asked in the same whisper.

"Logan don't change the topic."

"I wasn't trying to. To answer your question i'm going home."

"Logan it's late call your dad and tell him you'll go over when the sun's out."

"I can't. He wants me now. But i'll be careful, I mean it's not like a lot of people are out."

"Ok fine but call me when you get home."

"Ok I will "

With that he when back to his wife. I locked the door behinded me, I got in the car and drove.

**~ at the house ~**

I pulled up to the dive way. I took out my phone out and called Papa.

"Hello," Papa said

"Just letting you know I at my house," I said

"You got there safe?"

"Yup."

"Ok then."

"Night Papa."

"Night Logie."

I hanged up and turned off the car. I walked up to the door, took out my keys went in locked the door. Then I turned around and saw him waiting for me.

"You been a bad boy. First your late then you talk back," Danny said looking at me with anger.

I was about to say something but his fits came at me and hit me in the cheek. I fell to floor. I groaned in pain, I was laying on my stomach. Danny rolled me over and pinned me down on my back. Danny got in my face (we were nose to nose).

"Bad boys must be punished," Danny said holding my face so I would have to look at him.

Danny got up and started to kick me in the stomach. I counted 15 kicks. Danny then helped me up but he push/threw me to the wall ,near the stairs. I fell with a loud thump. When I looked up he was gone. I fell to sleep on the floor in pain.

* * *

Sorry I know this was short, but thanks for reading!


	4. What Happened?

**Disclaimer: I dont own Big Time Rush**

_Chatper 4: What Happened?_

"Logan. Wake up," I heard a voice.

"Wake the fuck up. Before I kick you up!" the voice boomed.

Before I could open my eyes I was kicked in the gut, I loss all my air for a minute or so. When I did open my eyes I saw him. Danny.

"Sorry," I whipered.

"That Kendall kid called. You have 15 minutes in the bathroom. Got it?" Danny asked.

"Yes sir," I said as I got up.

Once I was on my feet I whish I wasn't. The pain was in my stomoch, but I ignored it and went up the stairs to the bathroom. I lift up my shirt and saw I big bruise, 9 small one and a red mark that's going trun in to a bruise. I undressed and hoped in to the shower. I looked over at my razor then I remembered that I had 15 minutes. Once I was done I grabbed towel and looked in the mirror there was bruise on my cheek.

_'God Kendall going to have panic attack,` I thought._

I went to my room and threw on clothes. I went down stair then in kitchen. No food.

_'Why did I come in here again? I mean I knew that there was food. Maybe I can ask for money.`_

I walk to the living room room where Danny was siting watching tv.

"Dad I was wondering if I could get some money so I can buy food," I asked

"No you not eating," Danny said.

"But why."

"Are you talking back to me?"

"No sir"

"Good and this is one of your punishments now leave I'm trying to watch tv.

I did as I was told and went my car. I called Kendall.

"Hey Kendall my dad said you called," I said.

"Yea I wondering if you would come pick me"

_'Oh yea hockey day`_

"Yea i'll be there in about 10 minutes," I said

"Cool i'll be waiting" Kendall said before he hanged up.

I turned on the car on and drove to the Knight's. I stoped in front of Kendall who was waiting for me. Kendall threw his hockey bag in the back seat and sat in the passagers seat.

"Logan why did you go home in three in the morning?" Kendall asked.

"Dad wanted me home," I said not taking my eyes off the road.

I saw Kendall look over at me.

"Pull over," Kendall said.

"What? Why?" I asked

"Just pull over,"

I pulled over, turned off the car then looked over at Kendall ,who was already looking at me.

"Logan what happened to your cheek?" Kendall asked.

"I was walking then I fell and my cheek hit the floor," I lied.

"Are you lying to me?"

"No i'm not. I really did fall."

"Well I sill going to watch over you"

"You already do that."

With that I turned the car on and drove to the ice rink.

** ~ at the ice rink ~**

We got in and paid for the time we were going to be there for (2 hours). Went we got to the ice I saw James and Carlos goofing off. Kendall and I then went on the ice and stoped the boys.

"Logan what happened to you face?" James asked

"Fell," I lied again.

"Ok then so teams. Who's with who? " Carlos said

"A fair warning for my partner, I felt tired," I said

"That's ok Logie because were sill gong to bet Kendall's and James's butt," Carlos said.

"Yea right in your dreams," Kendall said.

"Ok so who ever gets to 15 and best two of three," I said.

** ~ after the game ~**

"You guys cheated, and I know it," Kendall whined.

"No we didn't," Carlos said.

"Rematch next sunday," James said.

"Done," Carlos said shaking James hand.

"So it's five what are we going to eat ,then what movie are we going to see?" Kendall asked.

"Pizza and The Book?" I asked

"Pizza yes but Logan The Book really?" Carlos asked.

"The Book is a scary movie," I said

"Ohh then yea!" Carols exclaimed.

"Sure," James and Kendall said.

We all when over to my car then we went.

** ~ after dinner and the movie ~**

I drove the guys home. I looked at my phone and it said 8:35 pm. I walked in the house and saw Danny on the couch with beer cans on the floor.

"Sara is that you my love?" Danny asked.

_'Oh-no please don't think i'm her,` I thought._

Danny got up and walked over to me. Danny cuped my face.

"Sara," Danny said.

I could smell the alcholic on him. Danny's lips crashed on mine.

"Go to our room Sara i'll be right there," Danny whispered in my hear.

I did as I was told I went to 'our room' and sat on the bed. Danny came in pulled me on the bed with him on top of me. Danny's lips were attacking my neck he was taking off our clothes, his lips sill attacking me. Danny would not stop he keep doing it over ,over and over again. Danny finally stoped but he held on to me. Danny's hands keep on moving up and down on my body. After an hour or two he finally went to sleep. I waited another hour and got out of bed. I grabbed my clothes and went to my room. I looked at my phone and it said 12:15 am. I layed in bed on my stomach.

_'How am I going to school tomorrow? I can't even walk or sit with out being in pain.`_

After about an hour later I went to sleep.

* * *

If you confused Sara is Logan's mom . Danny called Logan, Sara because he is drunkn and Logan looks a lot like his mom. Thanks for reading!


	5. Found you

**Disclaimer: I do not Big Time Rush**

_Chapter 5 : Found you_

I looked up and saw my alarm, 6:00am.

_'I can't go to school, i'm in too much pain,` I thought._

I got out of bed (in pain) to the bathroom and went in the shower, I turned on the warm water. I took my my razor and pinned below my ribs.

_'Dirty. Hoe. Slut. Worthless. Dirty.` (The words keeped on repeating)._

When I was done I counted 20 cuts. I then lift the razor to my wrist,(for the first time)

_'Weak.`_

With that I cut , it was the deepest I ever did. I got out shower, clean and bandaged my wrist first but blood was sill coming out. I then cleaned and bandage my side (no blood was coming out). I went to my room and put on jeans,a long sleeve shirts ,and sneakers. I looked over at my alarm it said 6:30am. I went down stairs, in a lot of pain. I went outside and just walked. I wanted to clear my mind and get use to pain (again). Atfer a little bit I looked at my phone it said 7:00am. Now I had to decide if I was or wasn't going to school.

_'If I don't Kendall, Carlos ,and James would have a panic attack. If I do go to school I would be in pain. How could I change the bandages? What if the boold get on my clothes. I would have to go to hockey practice. The guys could also see my wrist._

I started to feel light headed.

_'Maybe i'm losing too much blood.`_

That was when I fell. I tryed to get up but pain was running eveywhere in my body.

"Logan can you get up for me?" a voice said.

I looked up and saw Danny. I got to my feet. Danny was watching me. I had trouble standing, Danny grabbed my waist. I put my head on his shoulder, we then started walking.

"Logan why did you leave?" Danny said me.

"What do you mean?" I asked back.

"When I woke you were gone, I looked around the house for you."

"Oh I need to clear my head."

"I thought so."

"Wait how did you know I was in bed with you?"

"About the third or fourth time I realized it was you and not Sara."

"Oh."

"By the way Logan your not going to school today."

"That's ok," I said as we walked in to the house.

* * *

Sorry that it was short and a (little) suckish. Thanks for reading!


	6. For a month

**Dislaimer : I don't own Big Time Rush**

_Chatper 6: For a month._

_ ._

I got off the couch and opened the door. I saw Kendall, James, Carlos, Papa, and Luke (Papa's partner).

"Hi," I said.

"Can we come in?" Papa asked.

"Yea."

When I backed up to let everyone come in I saw that Papa and Luke were uniforms. We walked over to the living room, and I sat on the same couch as James and Carlos. Papa, Luke and Kendall sat on the other one.

"Where's your dad?" Papa asked.

"Work," I respond.

"So what state is he in now," Kendall asked bitterly.

"Danny is sill in town he is just at his work building," I said.

"Why didn't you go to school today, I mean you never miss school," Carlos said.

"I didn't feel good, so Danny called the school then told me I'm not going," I said

"Wait so you felt sick but your father sill went to work?" James asked bitterly.

"Yea I mean i'm a big boy I can take of myself," I said.

"How bad were you?" Carlos asked

"Not to bad," I said

_'If you don't count me passing out about two times because too much blood loss,` I thought._

"Logan I got you homeworker, and it's a lot." Carlos said as he took out my homework.

"Thanks," I said as I took it from Carlos and looked it over.

When I was doing this something hit me.

_'If Papa and Luke are wearing their uniforms that must mean they'er working. Then why are they here?`_

"Papa and Luke not to be rude or anything but why are you guys here and not working?" I asked.

"We are working," Luke said.

"What's going on?" I said as I looked around.

"Logan you have a bruise and your limping."

"So what, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Logan I know when you lie, and I know you were lying yesterday," Kendall said.

"Lying about what?" I asked him but I already knew what.

"How you got that bruise."

"What does that have to do with Papa and Luke?"

"Well if -"

"Loagan! I'm home! Where are you?" Danny yelled.

"In the living room," I respond.

"How are you fe-" Danny started to asked but stop when he saw everyone.

"Hello Danny," Papa said as he got up to shake his hand.

"Hello Carlos," Danny sais as he as went to shake Papa's hand.

"I'm Luke," Luke said as he got up and the same thing as Papa.

"Luke," Danny said and did the same thing again. "Hello boys," Danny added.

After a little of silent Danny finally "What's going on?"

"Mr Mitchell do you know what happened to Logan?" Luke asked.

"What you talking about?"

"Logan has bruised cheek and he's limping,"

"Logan falls a lot."

"Are you sure abou that?" Kendall came out of no where and asked.

"Yes I am. Logan never did have the best balance," Danny said.

"What does that mean?" Papa asked.

"Yesterday Logan fell and hit his cheek and this morning he fell down the stairs on his butt that's why he's limping."

"Is that so?" Papa said.

"Yes, right Logan?"

"Yea, I never had balance," I said.

_ ._

"Excuse me," Danny said as he walked out to answer his phone.

"Logan what do you mean by you have no balance?" Carlos asked me.

"I don't have the best balance," I said.

"What are tou talking about, I mean you need balance to skate."

"Yea but i'm not the best at skating."

"Logan stop," James said.

"What are you talking about," I asked.

"Putting youself down with lies," Kendall said.

_'But it's not it's all true.`_

"Logan I'm going to Greenland for a month and I don't want to leave you alone so you going to come also," Danny said as he look down at me smiling.

"What I can't go with you,"I said as I jumped up. "I have school and hockey to think about."

"I sorry Logan, but what do you want me to do?" Danny asked me.

"Logan can come and live with us," Papa offered.

"I don't want to be a bother," I said.

"Logan you wouldn't" Carlos said jumping up.

"Dad what do you say?" I asked Danny.

"I'll miss seeing you," Danny said looking in my eyes.

_'I think Danny means he will miss the sex.`_

"You can call him," James said getting up too.

"My job doesn't really like calls that don't have anything do with the case," Danny said.

"You can talk to you boss at about it," Kendall said getting up also.

"Ok i'll try. I guess we should start packing," Danny said as he walked away.

"YES! Logan is going to live with us," Carlos said.

"Yup" I said

With that I started to pack every thing I would need for about a week. (I would be coming back evey week). Everyone looked happy but Danny.

_'If no one was here I would be getting a beating now.'_

"Got eveything you need for now Logie," Kendall asked me as we got in my car.

"Yup," I said as I drove to my new house for a month.

* * *

Sorry for not writing in a long time. By the way Logan's father , Danny, is a lawyer. Also the first dot is knocking and the 2nd one is a phone ring. ( Don't know why it didn't show) Thanks for reading! Sorry again.


	7. In Deep thought

**Dislaimer : I don't own Big Time Rush**

_Capter 7: In Deep_ _Thought_

_The first week living at the Garcia's was amazing. Not. I loved that they care but by would they. I mean i'm Logan, i'm worthless and a slut. No one should care. Why didn't they just leave me by myself at home? Why did Danny tell me about him leaving with everyone there? Will I ever get answers? I wish that I could just forget Danny but I can't. I wonder what I would be doing if I did go with him. Would he be all over me? Would he be drunk? How bad would I be cutting? Would anyone even cry if I died? Yea,everyone would maybe even Danny but they all get over me, right? No. I'm their family maybe Danny will get over me but I think that my 'Family` will not, they need me like sometimes I need them. Maybe I should just died. I would be with my mom and there will no more pain, but I can't I must live to become a doctor, then I will help people and hopefully there will be no more pain. Just two more years then i'll be 18 and free. But will I make it? I need to talk to someone. Kendall I can talk to him,right? No he will just try to go kill Danny, and I don't need that. Carlos? Nope he will just tell Papa. James? No I bet he would team up with kendall. Mrs Garacia? No she will also tell Papa. Mrs and Mr Diamond? No I don't really know them. Mama Knight? Nope I bet she will just break out crying. Katie? She is to young. Papa? Hell no he a cop._

_There is no one to help me._

_Do I even what someone to help? Yes I need out! But maybe I can find an out with out talking to someone. Drugs? No way. Alcoholic? There is no way i'm going to turn out like Danny. Cigarettes? Maybe, I mean what more would happen to me? I broken and it can be an out. Yes that is what i'll do. Now how would I buy it? I have a fake I.D! It says i'm 18. Mama Knight and Papa got it for me but it was only to be used for emergencies. Well in a way it is. I mean if I don't find an out now I may just died and then people who knew and loved me would be in pain._

With that last thought I jumped out of bed and went down staris. I saw Carlos on the couch watching tv with his homework next to him.

"Hey Carlos I going out, i'm going to be a little late," I said as I went to get my keys.

"Ok Logan," Carlos said without looking up.

I walked out and when in the my car. I started to dive.

_I need to go to the next town over but first my house._

I went up the diveway then got out. I went up to my room and went right to my closet, and looked for the box that I kept it in. Once I found my I.D I ran down the stair to my car and I started to dive. I keep on diving then I saw a sign that I was in a differnt town. Once I saw a gas station I pulled in I parked and when in. I saw a middle age men behind the counter. I walked up to him.

"Hey kid what you need?" the man asked.

"A pack of smokes and a lighter," I said.

"Really? How old are you?"

"18."

"Well I need some I.D"

With that I took out my wallet and my I.D and showed him. The man looked at me then the I.D and sighed. He then turned around and then turned back to me, with the pack of cigarettes and lighter.

"That would be $7.56," the man said.

I payed him and took my things. Once I in was in my car I took out a cigarette and put in my mouth. I took out the lighter and lighted it. Once I was done with that one I opened the car door threw it on the floor and stepped on, I left the door open and took out another cigarette and lighted. I also threw it on the floor and stepped on it when I was done. I took out my phone and was it said 10:35pm. I closed the door, pulled out the gas station and started to drive back.


	8. Are you okay?

**Dislaimer : I don't own Big Time Rush**

_Chapter 8: Are you okay?_

I pulled up to the diveway grabbed my pack of cigarettes and lighter put them in my pocket and went inside. No one was there. I went to my room that I was sharing with Carlos. I took a shower. I hid my cigarettes and lighter under the bed then when to sleep.

"Logan, wake up son," I hear a vioce. "Come on wake up," it say again.

When I open my eyes I saw Papa. Guit came over, but I don't know why.

"I'm up," I said.

With that Papa left the room with a frown.

_"Why isn't he smiling like he always is?` I thought._

I got up and saw that Carlos wasn't in bed.

_'Okay that's werid that boy is never up early on the week-end.`_

I went down staris to look for Carlos and saw that he was doing homework. I'm betting the one from yesterday. I saw that Mrs Garcia was on the couch also fowning. Not one bit of happness on her face.

"Logan, can you come here?" Papa yelled from the kitten.

I made my way over and saw that he was siting down,

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Logan sit down," Pap told me.

I did as I was told.

"Logan, me and Emily(Mrs Garcia) are worryed about you," Papa told me .

"Wait, why?" I asked.

"Well the whole week you were here you were a little bit sad."

"Ohh. Yea I was a little sad, but i'm better now."

"Are you really?"

"Yea."

"Logan you know you can come and talk to me about anything right?"

"Yea but there is nothing to talk about."

"Well how about why you were sad this whole week?" Papa suggested.

"Well... I don't really know." I was telling the truth.

_'I'm telling the truth right?` I asked myself._

"Logan you know i'm a cop,right?" Papa asked

"Yea," I said

"Then why lie to me?"

"It's just that... Nevermind."

"Logan, I here for you and I wouldn't juge."

_'Yes you would,` I thought._

"Papa i'll come you you when I really need you. And now I don't" I said trying to get out this conversation.

"You promies?" Papa asked.

"Yes," I lied.

_The truth is I would love to tell Papa everything but i'm to weak to. I'm too scared that he'll see me differnt. That everyone will see me differnt._ _And I work too hard to hide it, so I can get scared and tell everyone my secrets._

"Wait is this way Mrs Garcia fowning too?" I asked Papa.

"Yea."

"I should tell her that i'm ok," I said as I got up.

"Wait eat something first," Papa told me.

* * *

Yea i know that was short but the last chapter was Logan needing help and this chapter is the start of poeple noticing it. Thanks for reading!


	9. I can't do anything right

**Disclaimer: I do not Big Time Rush**

I went to the cabinet and got a box of cereal and a blow. I then got a spoon and milk. Once I was finish I put the cereal back and the bowl and spoon in the skin. I walked over to the living room to find Carlos sill doing homework and Mrs Garcia reading a book. I walked up to her and sat down next to her. Mrs G looked up from her book then closed it.

"There's nothing wrong," I lied.

"Are you sure?" Mrs G asked.

"Yup, I think I was having a bad week."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I 'm good, but thanks."

"That's what I'm here for."

"Mrs G you need to smile you look really weird without one."

"You too Logan."

"Well I am going to smile for the rest of the month."

"Me too, then."

I got up and sat down next to Carlos and put on the TV.

_'There is never anything good on," I thought as I put on some random show._

I look over at Mrs G and she was reading. I then looked at Carlos and saw that he was drawing.

"Nice picture," I said pointing to it.

Both Carlos and Mrs G looked up at me.

"Dude," Carlos said to me, then looking over at his mom.

"Carlos let me see you paper," Mrs G demanded.

Carlos got up and gave his homework to his mom. Mrs G looked it over.

"Carlos this is your third strike, now your grounded. Go up to your room and only come out to show me or your dad that you finished your homework, go to the bathroom or when we call you down to eat," Mrs G said.

Carlos took back his homework ,and came back to the couch to get his things.

"Carlos I can help you finish it, if you want," I suggest.

Carlos look up at me.

"No, you did enough," Carlos said then walked away.

"Logan you know that Carlos didn't mean that he is mad that he got grounded, you had nothing to do with that," Mrs G said then went back to her book.

_'Liar. Carlos getting grounded is all my faut I should have just keep my mouth shut. I could have asked if he needed help, but no I have to nice picture. What's wrong with me?'_

I got up and went to 'my' room and saw Carlos sill trying to do his homework.

"I told you that I don't need your help," Carlos sapped at me.

"I'm just going to get my clothes," I said.

I walked to my suitcase backpack thing and frowned when I saw that I only had one outfit left. I grabbed it and when to the bathroom. I turned on the shower, then took of all my clothes. I got in. I let the warm water run all over my body. But I felt guilt.

_'No, you did enough. I told that I don't your help.' Carlos words run in my head._

I started to look for a razor but there wasn't any. I turned off the water and got out. I got dressed bushed mt teeth and fixed my hair. I went back to 'my' room grabbed my dirty clothes and put then in my suitcase backpack thing. I took my phone and keys, then went downstairs.

"I'm going to get new clothes," I said as I walked to the door.

"Wait, what are you going to do with your dirty clothes," Mrs G asked me.

"Wash it," I said as if it was the most obvious thing.

"No you're not."

Mrs G got up and took my suitcase thing out of my hands then when down stairs. I just look at the door waiting for her to come back. Finally she came back up and gave me back my suitcase thing.

"Now you only need to do is get fresh clothes," Mrs G said smiling.

"Thank you but you didn't have to do that," I said

"But I want to."

"Okay, I maybe a little late I'm going to James' house,"

"Okay just make sure that you eat."

I was just about to leave the house when I remember my cigarettes.

_'How would I get them without Carlos seeing?'_

I went up stairs to see that Carlos wasn't there. I grabbed them from under the bed, then went down stairs. I went in my car and drove to my house. I pulled up in the driveway and went inside. I went up to my room and took out seven outfits and put them in the suitcase thing. I went back to my car and drove to the town's old park (no one goes there any more). I got out and sat on the bench. I took out my cigarettes and lighted one. I took a drag and looked around me. All play ground things looked at rusty. I took another drag.

_'I wonder why kids stop coming here?'_

I finished that cigarette, so I threw it on the floor and stepped on it. I got up and drove over to James's house. I pulled up in his driveway and out. I walked up to the door and opened it . I saw Mr Dimond on the couch watching hockey.

"Hello Logan," Mr Diamond said.

"Hello, Mr Dimond," I said.

"He's up in his room."

I went up and knocked on James' bedroom door.

"Come in," I hear James said. I opened the door and walked in. James was on his bed doing homework.

_"What's with people and doing homework on Saturdays?'_

"Logan would you be a dear and help me ?" James said.

"Sure why not," I said.

I walked up to the bed and sat next to James on the bed.

~ two and half hours later~

James was walking with me down stairs. When were on the floor I trip and I heard a crashing sound. When I looked up I say that a glass vase broke. James helped me up.

"I'm so sorry I can -" I started.

"Don't worry my mom can clean it up she hated it anyway." James said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea."

"Okay."

I walked to the door.

"Bye," I said over my shoulder.

I hear James said 'Bye' when I closed the door. I got int the car and drove to 'my house'. I pulled up in the driveway and took out my suitcase I open the door I saw Papa on the couch with paper work.

"Hey there Logan," Papa said.

"Hey," I said.

"Did you eat?"

"Yes, did you?"

"Yes."

"Good."

I when up stairs and stop at 'my' room and put the suitcase thing next to the closed-door. I then made my way to the bathroom. I started to look for a razor, and when I did I broke it apart. I pulled up my sleeve and pinned the razor on my upper arm than ran it across.

_'I can't do anything right. First I get Carlos grounded and he gets mad at me. Which makes sense.I bet we're not going to play hockey tomorrow because I got Carlos grounded. I then broke Mrs Diamond's vase. Got James to lie to make me feel better .' _

With this thoughts in my head I keep on cutting and over lapping some cuts.

"Logan? What are you doing?!" I heard a voice.

* * *

Cliffhanger! First off sorry for not writing in some time and sorry for any spelling mistakes in any and all my chapters. Thanks for reading!


	10. Talking

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**

"Logan? What are you doing?" I heard a voice.

I looked up to find Carlos with a face of horror.

"Close the door and come in or leave," I said.

Just as I tought what Carlos would do he did, Carlos was closing the door. I got up and started to wash my arm. I took out medical supplies and went to fix my arm without look up at Carlos, who was siting on the floor. When I finished I saw some blood on the floor which Carlos was staring at. I took some toilet paper wiped it up and threw in the toilet then flushed it. I sat across from Carlos. Carlos head was down.

"Can you at least look at me?" I begged.

Carlos looked up at me and there was tears run down his face.

"Why?" Carlos asked.

"It's noting Carlos," I said.

"What do you mean nothing? Your hurting yourself."

"Carlos it's not so bad,"

"What do you mean it's not that bad? You can kill yourself. Logie please just tell me."

"Fine it's because I feel worthless. It's because I hate the way I am. I hate who I am. I need a to get relaxed and cutting gives me it."

"Oh Logie you have me, the guys our, parents and your d-"

"He wouldn't care."

_'Danny knows, he sees them,' I thought._

"Carlos were are you?" Mrs G yelled.

"Bathroom," Carlos yelled back.

"Go to bed it's."

"Mom it's 10 on a saturday."

"Remember your grounded."

"Oh okay."

"Logan we're going to finish talking about this tomorrow." Carlos said to me.

I nodded my head. Carlos got up and went to the sink. I got up and went to our room. My suitcase was on my bed.

_'Mrs G must have done that,' I thought._

I started to change and crawled into bed. I heard Carlos come in, he then turned off the lights and went to bed. Not long after I went to sleep.

~the next day~

I was eating pancakes, bacon and eggs, when Carlos came in.

"Hey Carlos," I greeted him.

"Hey Logan, where's my mom and dad?" Carlos asked.

"Your dad is at work and your mom went to buy more food."

"Good so we're alone."

Carlos got a plate and fork, and then his food. Carlos sat across from me.

"Logan I want to see them," Carlos said.

"Not now your eating," I told Carlos.

_'There was no point in fighting I'll just lose,` I thought._

"You can ask me questions if you want," I suggested to Carlos.

"Why didn't you tell anyone or get help?" Carlos asked me.

"I don't know, maybe I didn't want you guys to know how weak I am."

"Logan you're not weak."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know you."

"Do you really?"

"I think so, yea."

"Okay then."

"Am I the only one that knows?" Carlos asked.

"Yes," I lied.

"Logan you know that we have to tell someone, right?"

"No no no,"

"Logan you're hurting yourself."

"You and only you can check my wrist everyday."

"And your chest?"

"My chest?"

"I found you cutting your upper arm and I bet you cut your chest too."

"Once a month."

"No way, everyday"

"No and be happy that I'll you check my wrist everyday and let you check my chest once a month. I could have said no or something."

"Fine."

"Promise that you will tell no one."

"I promise but if it gets worst I will tell."

"Okay."

"When did you start cutting?"

"I was 13."

"Why?"

I looked down at my empty plate.

"I don't know," I lied

_'Because of him and his beer.`_

"Do you think you could stop?" Carlos asked.

"Maybe but it's less likely," I said.

"You know that you can call me, right?"

"Are you sure. I mean at three in the morning?"

"Did you really think that no one would care if you went to deep? That you died of blood loss?"

"Maybe," I said in a little voice.

Carlos got up and sat in the chair next to me.

"Logan look at me," Carlos demand grabbing my face (not in a hard way)

I looked Carlos in the eyes and he looked back.

"Don't you dare think that we wouldn't cry our eyes out, that we would cry ourself to sleep, that we would feel guilty that we didn't notices. You have no clue on how much pain we all would be in. Me, Kendall and James would lose a brother, a best friend, our genius, our rock. We would blame ourself guilt eating us, how did we not see your cuts when we change? Oh yea because we never see you with out a shirt. How did we not think? Katie would lose a brother she would cry and cry tell she can't any more. Mama Knight would have a strong front with Kendall and Katie around but I bet she would just want to break down crying. My mom and dad would also blame themself they lived with you they saw that you were sad for a week. Yea they would put on a strong front but at night my mom would hold my dad till he cried him self to sleep, because he loss a son, you know he's more close to you. And I know you may not think it but your dad would cry too because your all he haves. Logie we all love you more than you would ever know." Carlos told me

Tears were running down my face. Carlos pulled me in a hug.

"Do you really think that?" I asked.

"No," Carlos said with no emotion

My heart broke.

_'Stupid why would you let down you walls?` I scowled at myself. 'You let Carlos gave you hope then he took it all right back and laughed in your face. You let your self cry-` _

"Logan I think we all would be in more pain," Carlos said cut in my thoughts.

"Really you're not lying?" I had to ask. I turned to look at his face.

"Why would I lie?"

Right then and there I felt hope for the first time in about 7 years. I pulled Carlos closer. We sat like that for a few minutes, when Carlos said something.

"Logan can you show me now?" Carlos asked.

I pulled away from him, and pulled up my both of my shirt sleeves up to my elbow. Carlos took my both of my wrist he gently moved his hand around my cuts, Carlos then kissed some of them.

"Let me see the others," Carlos said looking at me.

I took off my shirt. Carlos gently touched them, then pulled me in hug.

"Please stop," Carlos begged in my ear.

"I will try," I whisper in his ear.

I wasn't lying. Not to Carlos or myself I can call someone, someone who I love and loves be back. I will try to stop.

* * *

SORRY I didn't write in a long time. I really am. Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading

Ps: I'm thinking about making Logan Bisexual. *wink wink* That may mean someone new... or not.


	11. Matt

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**

I'm laying on my bed staring at the ceiling, with my iPod on my stomach and my ear buds in ear.

"Logan! Logan! James and Kendall are sleeping over so we can go to hockey practice then will walk to school tomorrow!" Carlos yelled to me, over powering the music.

"When are they coming?" I yelled back pulled my ear buds out my ears.

"In like a minute so down here."

"Okay clam down."

I turned off my iPod and got out of bed, then wrapped in the ear buds wires around the iPod, put in on the bed.

"Logan come on we're here!" Kendall yell to me.

I went down the stairs.

"Where's James?" I asked.

"Bathroom," Carlos said.

"Ok let's go boys," James said.

"We can't, well I can't," Carlos said.

"Why not?"

"I got grounded."

"Well we can finish our homework ." Kendall suggested.

"I bet Logan already finished his," James said walking over to the couch.

"Yea," I said

Then Kendall's phone started to ring. I looked over at Carlos and saw that he was looking at me too. I could tell Carlos was still a little upset from earlier so I smiled at him.

"Logie can you do a favor for me?" Kendall asked.

"Depends what is it?" I asked back.

"Can you pick Katie up and take her home?"

"Sure."

I went upstairs to 'my' room and dropped on my stomach then grabbed my pack of smokes and lighter from under the bed, put them in my pocket. I got up took my key from the desk, then went down.

"Kendall were's Katie?" I asked Kendall.

"School," Kendall said.

"Why?" Carlos asked.

"Some school projet," Kendall said.

"Oh by the way I'm be gone for a little after I drop Katie off," I said walking near the door.

"Why?" Carlos said with worry.

"I'm just going to go out and clear my head," I said smiling.

"Thanks again Logan," Kendall said.

I walked out the door, then got in my car and drove to the school. When I got there I saw Katie talking to a boy. I parked near but not to far from Katie. Katie must have seen me because she wave to the boy before she walked/run to the car. Katie opened the door and got in.

"Hey Katie," I greeted her.

"Hey Logan." Katie greeted back.

"How was you day?"

"It was ok. My only wish would be that we didn't have to do our projet on a week-end."

"We?"

"Mmmmm... yea that boy you saw me with,"

I turned to see that Katie was bushing.

"Is the Katie Knight bushing over a boy?" I teased her.

"Shut up," Katie said.

"You know because I'm nice I will not tell Kendall."

"Oh my god, thank you Logie. Thank you."

"Yea yea. If Kendall asks I never knew, got it?"

"Yes sir."

The rest of the ride we just listen to the radio. I dropped her off and waited till she got in safe. I then drove off to the park. I got out the car then when and sat on the bench. I took out my of cigarettes pack and lighter I took one cigarette the put the pack away. I then lighted the cigarette that I had out, and put the lighter away. I lighted the cigarette, then took a drag.

"Hey you know that's bad for you," a voice from behind me said.

I turned around and saw a 18 or 19-year-old. He was wearing a red polo, jeans, and red sneaker, black jacket with his hands in his pants pocket had brownish hair.

"Why do you care?" I asked the guy.

"Well a pretty boy like you shouldn't be doing something like that," The guy said siting down next to me.

"Yea I know," I said then took a drag "you want one?"

"Hell no."

"Well why not?"

"It's nasty."

"Oh so you had one before but didn't like it."

"No no that where you're wrong and you put it out?"

I threw the cigarettes o the ground then stepped on it.

"Better?" I asked him.

"Yes and you shouldn't smoke. Not only is it bad for you but aren't you a little to young?" He asked me.

"I am young by a few months and I know that smoking is bad for you. Want to tell me something new?"

"No I'll tell why smoking is bad for you."

"Okay go ahead."

"It hurts your lungs, cause yellow teeth, bad breath and it's a main cause in cancer."

"Would it help you if I said I started a few days ago?"

"Are you lying to me?"

"No why"

"You smoked like you been doing it for years."

"No guess it's just a gift."

"A very bad one."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"If it what's my name you're not going to get it."

"Lucky for you it's not. Why do you care so much about me smoking?"

"My dad died from lung cancer because he smoked too much," he told me.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"No it's ok, I mean it's not like he was the best dad and now I have a step dad."

"How 'bout your mom?"

"Lovely and they both love me so."

"That's very good to hear."

"How 'bout you?"

"Well you see my mom died when I was almost 9 and then my dad threw him self in his work."

"What does he do?"

"A lawyer."

"Ahhh. Hey gave me you phone."

"Gave me yours."

He then took out his phone and I took out mine. I put in my number and name then gave it back to the guy and he gave me my phone back. I looked down saw his number and name. Matt.

"Well then I'll see you later, Logan and you better not be smoking." Matt said as he got up and walked away.

"See you later Matt, and I make no promises," I yelled after him.

I sat here looking up at the sky with a smile on my face.

_Beep. Beep._

I looked at my phone. 1 unread text message from Matt. My smile got a little bigger.

**_Wanted to make sure that this is you Logan -m_**

**_Yea its me Matt -l_**

**_I just want to said that I'm Gay and if you don't like that delete this number now -m_**

**_ That would make me a hypocrite -l_**

**_Your GAY?! -m_**

**_No I'm bisexual -l_**

**_Ohhhh -m _**

**_Yea -l_**

**_Does your family know? -m_**

**_Nope not at all -l_**

**_Why not? -m_**

**_My dad would most likely try to beat me to death -l_**

_'No he would beat me to death not try,` I thought._

**_That sucks I know what you mean my dad tried to hit me when he found out, but he was stopped -m_**

**_Yea I bet my dad trying to hit me would suck to -l_**

_'I would love if my dad was stop,`_

**_Does you friends know? -m_**

**_No -l_**

**_You think they would push you away? -m_**

**_No not at all they're like my family we all love and support another -l_**

**_That's really good so why not tell them? -m_**

**_Not something that big -l_**

**_LIES. Your scared -m_**

**_And if I am? -l_**

**_I'm going to help you through it -m_**

**_Thanks -l_**

**_Sorry but got to go baby sister doesn't want to sleep -m_**

**_K bye and good luck with that -l_**

**_Bye and thanks -m_**

_'Now I have two people I can talk to,`_

I laid back a little and looked up at the sky.

* * *

Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. Yes Matt may stay and I sorry any Carlogan fans! Happy saint patrick's day! Thanks for reading!


	12. Luke

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Logan, come home the boys went out to get pizza," Papa said.

"Okay I'll be there in a few," I said then hanged up.

I got in my car then drove. I pulled up in the driveway. I got out then opened the door. Like papa said the boys were out. Papa and Luke were siting on the couch. I closed the door behind me and sat in the couch next to Papa and Luke. They both were still in their uniform.

"Hey kid," Papa greeted me.

"Hey Papa. Hey Luke," I greeted them.

"Hey kid," Luke said.

"You can't call me a kid," I said.

"And why not?"

"You're not that older than me."

"So?"

"Fine call me kid, but in my book that makes you old."

"I'm only 22!"

"Yea well to bad."

Papa started to laugh then Luke joined in.

_'Luke has a cute laugh. What? No don't think like that,` I scowled myself._

"Why am I old in your book if I call you kid?" Luke asked me.

"Because Papa calls me kid and well his not your age," I said.

"How 'bout those other people who call you kid, and that are my age?"

"They don't matter to me."

"So I matter to you?"

"Well yea."

_'Stop talking!`_

"Good 'cause you matter to me too," Luke said.

"I hope so," I said.

_'Oh my god are we flirting? And with Papa right there?!`_

"Logan how was your day?" Papa asked me.

"It was ok," I said.

"What did you do?" Luke asked.

_'When did he get cute? His stupid blonde hair, blue eyes and cute smile.`_

"Just took Katie home then just went around," I said.

_'Lies me and Carlos cried and then I met a guy and now I think I'm flirting with you. My day was sad, happy and now confusing.`_

"We got the pizza!" Carlos yelled.

The guys came in and we all went to the dining table. Luke sat next to me and Papa across from me and Luke. During the dinner I can tell that Luke was flirting with me, and yes I think I was flirting back. Whenever I looked over at Papa he would look a ittle mad. The guys were talking about hockey. Finally dinner was over. We all were watching tv when Luke got up and when to the kitchen, I got up and followed him. Luke was siting at the dining table with two water bottles. I sat next to Luke and he gave me a water bottle.

"Why were you flirting with me?" I asked.

"Well you are cute," Luke said.

"Thanks, but that's not what I mean."

"Then what do you mean?"

"Why are you flirting with me now?"

"Wow you really didn't notices?"

"Notices what?"

"Whenever I see you and not in cop mode I flirt with you."

"You do?"

"Yup."

"I'm sorry that I never noticed."

"That's ok, I mean you know right?"

"Yea now I know. By the way next time don't flirt with me when Papa is there."

"Why not?"

"I'm just trying to save you life."

"Now why would he want to kill me?"

"Would you ever flirt with Carlos?" I said Luke.

"What! No. Never," Luke said.

"And why is that?"

"That's my partner's kid."

"Have you not notices that I am like Papa's son?"

"Shit, you don't think he'll kill me?"

"I have no clue. I bet he will talk to you and me."

"Wait, do you even like guys?"

"Yea I'm bi."

"Please tell me that you came out." Luke begged.

"No I did not," I said

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry Logan. Now Carlos(an: Papa) is going to know and you're not ready."

"How 'bout you stop flirting with me and when I do come out I'll come to you, if I already didn't find another guy?"

"Ok that sounds like a plan."

"Your going to break it aren't you?"

"Only when we're alone."

"I guess I can live with that."

"Good, and who is this other guy?"

"Don't worry. Do you know what you need?"

"No I don't, do tell."

"You need a date," I said.

"Are you going to get me one?" Luke asked.

"Maybe, but are you gay are bi?"

"I'm gay."

"Okay I think I can get you a date. Maybe."

"Have fun with that."

We both got up and when back to the living room the guys were watching hockey. Papa look between me and Luke than back to the tv.

I sat down and took out my phone. 8:34 pm.

**_Hey Matt can I ask a favor? -l_**

**_That depends what u need? -m_**

**_Do u have any gay/bi friends? -l_**

**_Yea why? -m_**

**_I want to set up my friend -l_**

**_Ahh how old is he? -m_**

**_22 -l_**

**_What does he do for a living? -m_**

**_His a cop -l _**

**_How he look? -m_**

**_Blonde hair, blue eyes and nice/cute smile -l_**

**_Yea I got some one and I'm going t pretend that I never read the cute part -m_**

**_Is someone jealous? -l_**

**_No -m _**

**_Sure your not I'll tell him and u can plan it tomorrow -l_**

**_Why do I have to plan it? -m_**

**_It was my idea -l_**

**_Fine -m_**

**_See yea -l_**

**_Bye -m_**

I looked up at Luke then winked and nodded my head. I then started to watch the game with everyone.

* * *

Ok I have no clue how or why Luke was flirting with Logan but things happen, right? Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I'm sorry if that was a suckie chapter. Thanks for reading!


	13. Talking with Papa

_**Disclaimer:**_**_ I do not own Big Time Rush_**

(It's now Wednesday. The past two-days I non stopped texted Matt) I put down my math book next to me. I looked over to Carlos, and saw that he was doing some type of art home-work. Papa was doing his work, and Mrs G was reading a book.

_ .Beep._

I looked down at my phone and saw 1 unread message from unknown. I pressed the button 'read now'.

**_Hey Logan its Luke -L_**(Luke)

_**Hey - l**_(Logan)

**_How was your day? -L_**

**_Good, your date? -l_**

**_Have i ever told you i love you? -L_**

**_Guess it was good -l_**

**_Yes, thank you -L_**

**_Thank Matt too -l_**

**_I did. Ps big Carlos is going to talk to you -L_**

**_Why?-l_**

**_He wanted to know if we were dating -L_**

**_But you went on a date today -l_**

**_But you did flirt with me a few days ago -L_**

**_Ahhh! -l_**

**_Sorry that im making you come out -L_**

**_Nah its ok -l_**

**_Are you lying to make me feel better? -L_**

**_No I think maybe he should know -l_**

"Logan can we talk in my study?" Papa asked me.

"Yea sure," I said.

**_Time to talk -l_**

**_Good luck! -L_**

I got up and followed Papa to his study. Papa sat on the couch near the window, I sat next to him.

"Logan can you be honest with me?" Papa asked looking at me.

"Sure," I said looking back at him.

"Do you like guys?"

"Well yea I mean I'm friends with other guys, right?"

"Logan that's not what I mean."

"Then what way to do you mean?"

"Logan we both know what way I mean. You can tell me I wouldn't judge."

"Yea," I whispered looking down at my feet.

"Logan that's ok, we all we still love you even if your gay," Papa said

"I'm not gay, I'm bi," I said rising my head to look back at Papa.

"That's ok too."

"Well duh, if you had a problem you would have said something to Luke."

"True very true. Logan why didn't you tell anyone?"

"No one asked,"

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't flirt with any guy are show any interest to a guy, just girls."

"Well you showed an interest to Luke a few nights ago."

"Do you think the guys know?" I asked Papa.

"No not at all," Papa said.

"Good, how did you know?"

"Luke is my partner I know how he flirts."

"What were you thinking , when it happened?"

"I thought you two were dating and when you winked at him that confirmed it for me."

"What did you think when you found out that Luke had a lunch date?"

"That confused me because I know that you don't miss school unless you have to, But I also thought that maybe you don't really like school."

"Why did you think that?"

"Logan I know you hide thing I just don't know what."

"Ohh. So that was when you talked to Luke?"

"Yea and he said it was a blind date."

"Yup Matt and I set it up," I said.

"Who's Matt?" Papa asked.

"I met him a few days ago, his the first person I ever told I was bi."

"And let me guess now you like him?"

"Yea I kind of do."

"Is he gay?"

"Yea, Matt is also helping me come out to everyone."

"So he's a nice man?"

"Yea there's nothing to worry about with him."

"Logan when are you going to tell the others?"

"I don't know. Maybe when I do get my first boyfriend."

"So maybe soon?"

"Maybe."

"Logan are you going to tell your dad?"

"Yea I will but I would have moved out and you, Luke and the guys would have to be there."

"Why Luke?"

"I kind of hope you two would be in cop mode," I said.

"Is there a reason why we would have to be in cop mode?" Papa asked me.

"Dad's not really supportive."

"So you think it's going to go that bad?"

"Well I bet it would go a way better with the guys than him yes."

"How you think they will react?"

"Shocked for about a second than Carlos will ask me random questions, James would tell me that he's going to help me prepare for my date, and then Kendall would threaten to beat the guy up if he hurts me."

"Yea that sound like then all right. What about Miss Knight? Katie? The Diamonds? My wife?"

"Well they would also would be in shock but them move on because they know that me being bi wouldn't change who I am."

"What about your dad ?"

"His not like you or any good dad out in the world."

"Logan you can't say that, I bet Danny does a lot of thing for you to have food and a roof over your head."

"Yea I beat that's why he does every he can to make sure that I do everything perfect ."

"What does that mean?"

"I must have straight A's, one of the best players in hockey even he he never saw me ever paly a game ,and a good cook."

"Well good grades can help you go in to a good college, you like hockey that can also help in a good college, and you also love to cook."

"How 'bout all the things Danny makes he do to make me more of a man?" I asked Papa.

"Things like what?" Papa asked back.

"I know how to fix a car, ride a motorcycle, and box."

"I didn't know you can do any of that."

"Yea you really don't need those skills so much here then Dallas." I said.

"Wait if you know how to box why didn't you fight back when you were getting beat up when you were younger?" Papa asked.

"I just can't. Fighting and violence can make you a monster, and I'm scared that if I do fight a lot I will be come one and wouldn't be able to change."

"Wow. Logan why do you of it like that?"

"I don't know I just do and always will."

"You know Logan just one fight isn't going to make you a monster?"

"Better safe than sorry."

"You want to watch a game?"

I nodded then we made our way to the living room.

* * *

Sorry! Sorry I have not been writing this story in a long time. Sorry for any and all grammar/spelling mistakes.


	14. Daddy calling

**Disclaimer : I don't own Big Time Rush**

I was sitting against the wall on 'my' bed, Carlos was doing the same.

"Carlos what are you looking at?" I asked him.

"Why was dad talking to you in his study?" Carlos asked.

"We just need to talk."

"About what?"

"Just things Carlos."

"So you not going to tell me?"

"I will one day just not today."

"Come on,"

"Where are we going?"

"Really?"

"What I did nothing wrong."

"Whatever."

Carlos then laid on his back putting on his ear phones.

_ Ring. Ring. Ring._

I looked over and saw the caller I.D on my phone. _Dad. _I shakely picked up my phone and answered the call.

"Dad?" I asked not believing that he would call.

"Logan, oh how I missed you." Danny said.

"Really?"

_'Am I asleep, because Danny never sounds this sweet.` I thought._

"Yes. Oh I missed my slut so," Danny said.

"Oh," I responded.

_'How would I really think that he was sweet?`_

"I can't wait till next week," Danny said.

"Yea but dad," I said not knowing what to say.

"What?! Do you not want me! Well?!"

"No I want you. I want to so bad, I can't wait next week."

I could feel the lump in the back of my throat.

"Good 'cause you're my dirty little whore. You're my slut, my cock sucker, you're mine and only mine," Danny said in a harsh voice.

"Yup I'm yours and only yours," I said with pain in every word.

"I'll see you Tuesday."

"Bye dad."

"Bye sweetheart."

I felt sick to my stomach like I always do.

_'I need my razor.`_

I got up but then saw Carlos laying I remembered that Carlos would want me to go to him. I walked up to his bed took out his ear phones. Carlos opened his eyes sat up, then suddenly I'm in Carols' arms being held.

"Shhh Logie It's okay everything's going to be okay shh, shh,"Carlos whispered in my ear, wiping away my tear that I finally let go of.

I just cried harder. I then tried to get out of Carlos's arms, but he just held on tighter.

"Carlos please let me go, I need to do it," I begged.

Carlos must have knew what I meant to cut, because he held me rubbed circles in my back.

"No Logan you're stronger than that ," Carlos whispered in my ear.

"No I'm not," I whimpered.

"Yes you are, Logan just stay here with me."

"Okay."

~The next morning~

"Boys wake up. Come on wake up."

I opened my eyes and saw that I was still in Carlos' arms, and a disappointed Papa looking at me. Papa walked out the room. I got out of Carlos's arms and went to the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw that my face had tear stains. I washed my face and went down stairs. I was that Mrs G wasn't here, and neither was Carlos so he was still sleeping. I walked into the kitchen and saw Papa just sitting there.

"Logan sit with me," Papa said.

So I did.

_'Please not another talk.`_

"Logan I know that it may be weird talking to me, but I really think you should." Papa said to me.

"I have no clue of what you are talking about." I said.

"Why were you sleeping with Carlos?"

"What?"

"Logan it's just that-"

"Wait do you think that I like him that way or something?"

"No I know that you will never like Carlos are the other guys that way, there like your brother."

"True, but then what's wrong with me sleeping with Carlos?"

"Logan I have no problem with that, it was that you had a tear-stained face."

"Papa don't worry Carlos took care of it, of me I'm all good,' I lied.

"Okay then, I better be going to work now then." Papa said getting up and walking out the back door.

I got up to make eggs when I heard stomping, someone coming down the stairs, Carlos.

"Logie can you cook me some?" Carlos said from behind me.

"Yea sure," I said.

"Logan don't we have to go to school?"

"No it's closed today."

"Yay!"

I made the eggs and sat down with Carlos. I started to eat, but when I looked up I saw that Carlos didn't.

"What's wrong?" I said Carlos.

"I'm proud of you," Carlos said.

"Why?"

"You came to me and not the razor."

"Yea, but I wanted to go to it."

"But you didn't, and that's what I really care about. Your fighting back," Carlos said then started to eat.

~ 2 hours later and outside~

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

**_Logan come to the old park -m_**

**_Why? -l_**

**_Just cause -m_**

**_Ok be there in a bit -l_**

I got up and when in side. I saw Papa on the couch.

"I'm going out," I said.

Papa looked at me then nodded. I grabbed my keys then left.

* * *

Sorry for any and all selling and grammar mistakes.

Ps. Remember that Matt is Gay! And Logan is Bi! That must mean love and dram and I promise there will be.

Thanks for reading!


	15. Date

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**

I pulled up in the park when I saw that Matt was already there and he was sitting on the bench waiting for me. I got out and walked up to him.

"Hey Matt," I called out to him.

Matt looked out at me, and jumped over the bench.

Matt then walked over to me.

"I have two questions," Matt told me.

"Then ask away," I said.

"First, did you eat yet?"

"No."  
"Would you like to have a picnic we with, then?"

"Like on a date?"

"Just like a date."

"I would love to."

Matt grabbed my hand and walked to the old swing set. There was a blanket on the floor as well as food that already on the plates. Matt let go of my hand as we sat down.

"So tell me how was your day?" Matt asked me as he pick up his sandwich.

"It was a good, how 'bout you?" I ask.

"Good, but I did have to cook you know."

"Cook? Is this what you call cooking? It's some sandwiches," I laughed.

"Okay so I thought that you wouldn't really like mac and cheese."

"That's a lie I love mac and cheese. Grew up on it, before I learned how to cook."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Good."

"Maybe you can teach me how to cook."

"Maybe I could, so tell me how good are you?"

"I can make pancakes, mac and cheese, eggs, and frozen dinners."  
"Wow you're not much of a cook are you?"

"Nope that's why I need your help."  
"And that is why I must help.

I looked down at our plates to see that we were done. I moved the things off the blanket and laid down, Matt laid next to me.

"Logan?" Matt called to me.

"Yea," I responded.

"How did you learn to cook?"

"TV shows and cookbooks."

"So no one taught you?"

"No."

"Is your dad really that busy with work?"

"I'm living with one of my best friends till my dad comes back."

"How long was he gone?"

"For three weeks, and he will be back in one more week."

"So your dad told you go to your friends right?"

"No, my friend's dad was over when my dad told me."

"Wow."

"Yea," I said.

"Logan, I want to know if you're thinking about coming out."

"I'm I told my friend's dad, and if I get a boyfriend I'll tell everyone, that matters to me.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"So who matters to you?"

"My friend's and their families."

"Not your family?"

"No I bet if my dad finds out he will disown me maybe hit me, and my friends are my family."

"Sorry about that."  
"That's okay, sorry we started to talk about it."

~ at 9:00 pm ~

"Matt I have to go," I said getting up.

"Let me walk you to your car," Matt said following me.

Once we got to my car, Matt took my hand to stop me from opening the door.

"Logan I have one more question" Matt whispered.

"Go ahead," I whispered back.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yea."

Matt's lips then were on mine. They were soft. The kiss was nice and sweet, but it was also short.

"Logan think about us being together okay?" Matt asked me.

"Okay." I said.

I got in my car and drove, still thinking about the kiss. Being Matt's boyfriend, and telling everyone.

* * *

Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading! Hope you like it!


	16. Worthless

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**

"Where were you?" Papa asked me as I opened the door.

"No where," I responded walking to the staircase.

"Come here."

I sighed and walked over to Papa, and saw that he was the only one there. There was also flies on the coffee table. I sat down next to him.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Where were you?" Papa asked again.

"Nowhere."

"Logan, me and you both know that is a lie."

I smiled and looked at Papa's face.

_'What's the big deal? Papa maybe happy for me." I thought._

"I was on a date," I said with a smile.

Papa had a face of surprise, then a small smile.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Papa asked.

"I didn't know till I was there." I said.

"Are you going to tell the boys?"

"Not yet, I'll wait till we are together."

"OKay, now go to bed."

I nodded and got up. I walked up the staircase, and into 'my' room. Carlos was already in bed. I took off my clothes, and put on sweatpants and an old shirt. I then went to bed.

~the next day~

I walked in the ice rang with Carlos. James and Kendall were sitting down on the bleachers, talking to a guy I don't know.

"Hey guys!" Carlos yelled running down the stairs, and I followed behind.

"Hey I'm Erick," the guys said once Carlos and I came to them.

"Hey Dude, I'm Carlos," Carlos said.

"And I'm Logan," I said with a smile.

"Yea I know you're the one that sucks at hockey." Erick said with a smile when mine turned into a frown.

"Hey, don't say that about Logan,'' Kendall said, getting up to face Erick.

Erick turned away from Kendall and looked at me.

"What do you really need him to fight for you? Can't you stand up for your self?"

"Shut up!" James yelled at Erick.

"Why I'm just asking questions, what do you want to know a fact Logan?" Erick asked, but before I could say anything he was already opened his mouth. "the guys aren't really your friends, they make fun of you when you're not with them.''

''That's a lie!" Carlos exclaimed.

"No it's not," Erick said.

"You should leave before I hit you," Kendall said.

Erick looked up and down at me and said "No you're not worth it," then walked away.

"Logan you know what about us making fun of you not trust, right?" Carlos asked.

"Of' course I do. Now come on let's go play" I said walking down to the ring with one thought running in my head.

_'You're not worth it.'_

~after the day with the guys~

I sat on the beach in the old park, smoking. This was the pack I kept in the car, in the trunk.

_'I'm not worth anything. So Matt should not be spending time with me. All I would ever do is bring him down, and I can't do that to him.'_

I heard footsteps from behind me, but I thought it was Matt so I took a drag.

"Logan?! What the hell are you doing?!" Kendall's voice exclaimed from behind me.

I slowly turned around and saw Kendall standing, with an angry look on his face.

''Kendall?" I whisper, not believing that he was really there.

"You didn't answer me," Kendall said.

I sighed, waved at Kendall to sit next to me. Kendall walked over, and sat down next to me and looked and my hand. The one that had the cigarette in it.

"Kendall I'm going to sound like a smartass right now okay?" I said to Kendall and he only nodded "what does it look like I was doing?''

"Why Logie you are smarter than to smoke." Kendall said.

"I was thinking and this helps my nerves,'' I said.

"Put it out now."

I sighed but threw it on the floor and stepped on it.

"What were you thinking about?" Kendall asked me.

"It's a long story,'' I said.

"I'm here for you.''

"You know that I'm the nerd of the group, and always get picked on because of that?" I asked Kendall and all he did was nod his head. "Well because if that I sometimes don't think I'm worth much. When Erick said I wasn't worth it, thoughts just came in my head. I had a date yesterday, but I don't think that I should waste his time to realize that I'm worthless." I said with tears falling out my eyes.

"Logie you're not worthless, at all. You're going to be a doctor and take care of people,'' Kendall said wiping the tear of my check and pulling me in a hug.

I put my head on Kendall's chest, and Kendall had his arm wrapped around my waist.

"So you don't care that I'm Bi?" I asked Kendall.

"No I don't. I just want to know, why you didn't tell anyone?" Kendall asked me.

"I wanted to wait tell I had a boyfriend to make a deal out of it."

"You know that the guys will still love you, and so will our parents."

"Yea. If not Papa would do something, yes he does know"

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Then I spoke up.

"Do you want me to take you home," I asked Kendall.

"Yea sure." Kendall said without moving.

I went to get up, but Kendall pulled me back. Kendall grabbed my face and kissed my forehead.

"You're not worthless, and if anyone makes you think so I will beat them up," Kendall whispered in my ear, the pulled me up with him and walked to my car.

…

I was sitting down on my bed when my phone ringed.

_Matt._ I picked it up.

"Hey Matt," I greeted.

"Look Logan I don't think that we should date," Matt said.

* * *

Cliffhanger! Sorry for any and all grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it!


	17. Boyfriends?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big time rush**

"What why?" I asked.

"You lied to me." Matt said.

"What?"

"You told me you don't have a boyfriend."

"And I don't"

"Yea that's why a blonde kissed you today."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"Today in the park a blonde headed boy kissed you," Matt said

"No, no. He kissed my forehead, and he's not my boyfriend," I explained.

"Really? Then what is he to you?"

"He is one of my brothers."

"You said you're an only child."

"I am, he is like a brother to me."

"Oh my god. I sorry. I just got jealous an-"

"It's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Well if only you come on a date with me tomorrow," I bargain, as Matt laughed on the other end.

"Of' course, how 'bout you pick me up at my house." Matt said.

"Where do you live?"

"1919 Chew Alleyway."

"I will be that at seven. Bye."

"See you then," Matt said then hanged up.

'_Now where would I take him?' I thought. 'I could ask James for a place, but the he would what to know who I'm taking, and help me get dressed. Carlos is also out , he would just said get corn dogs. I could ask Kendall, he know and he almost end what I would have with Matt before it even started. Tomorrow I'll call,'_

I got dressed and went to bed.

~The next day~

"Kendall," I said.

"Hey Logan," Kendall greeted me.

"Do you know a place I can take someone out on a date?"

"I'm not sure Logie."  
"Come on you own me one."

"What are you talking about?"

"Matt thought I was dating you and didn't want to date me."

"You explained it right?"

"Yes I did."

"Well I know a good place that wouldn't judge you two. It's called City Overview."  
Thanks Kendall."

"You got it," Kendall said then hanged up.

I got in the shower and got dressed in jeans, a red button up shirt, and white sneakers. I went to 'my' room and saw Carlos was listening to music. I then went down stairs Papa was sitting next to Mrs.G watching TV.  
"I'm going out guys," I said as I walked to the door.

"On a date?" Papa asked as I bushed.

"Yea," I said then walked out the door, into my car.

I parked in front of Matt's house. I took a breath, and walked to the door and knocked. A tall man who was well-built came out, and looked up and down at me.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"I'm Logan, and I'm here to pick up Matt." I said.

The men looked up and down at me again, nodded turned around and called for Matt. I saw Matt come and he was wearing jeans, a blue polo, and black sneakers. Matt walked out the house to me and yelled bye to his family before we went in my car.

I parked in the parking lot and got out with Matt. We walked in and was seated. We ordered and talked about different things, like our family's, and how were our day's. At the end of our meal I paid for both us, and went back my car. Instead of taking Matt home I took us to the old park.

"Logan what are we doing here?" Matt asked me as I parked.

I just smile looked over at Matt, and said "Why not?"

We out the car, and went to the swings. I sat next to Matt, we pushed our self with our feet, but not going in the air.

"Matt do you still want to be my boyfriend?" I asked him.

Matt turned his head and looked over at me. Matt leaded to me and kissed me. Matt then pulled back and smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said with a smile.

"I hoped you would," Matt said.

"Matt how would you feel about meeting my family?" I said.

"Would this be you're way of saying I'm bi?"

"Yea, if you don't mind"

"I would love to them, then you can meet mine."

"Just so you know you're not going to meet my dad."

"That's fine I want to meet the people who you love and love you back," Matt said grabbing my hand.

I took Matt home, and went back to 'my' house I walked in and saw Papa sitting on the couch.

I was about to ask if everyone can come tomorrow to have dinner then I remembered. Tomorrow is Tuesday, Danny's coming back and my smiled disappeared of my face. I went up stairs to 'my' room and thought of what he would do to me tomorrow.

* * *

Sorry for any and all grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it!


	18. Telling the guys

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush**

"Logie wake up," I heard Carlos say as he shook me.

"What do you want?" I asked Carlos.

"Mom and dad aren't here, and I'm hungry."

"So what?"

"Make me food."

"Make it your self, I'm trying to sleep here."

"Do you want me to burn down the house?"

"Fine, fine." I said as I got up.

I pushed past Carlos and went to the kitchen, and started to cook.

"Carlos!" I yelled as I put his plate on the table, with mine across from his.

Carlos came running down the stairs to his chair. I sat down in mine chair and looked over at Carlos.

'_Should I tell him?' _I thought_. 'It's not like he will stop loving me. He knows I cut, and he stayed with me. Maybe I should tell him with James. Yea I'll do that. I would also have Kendall to back me up.'_

Carlos had wet-ish hair. Carlos had on a blue long selves shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

"Hey Logan are you okay?" Carlos asked me with worry in his face.

"Hey I'm fine," I said picking up my fork to eat.

"Logie?"

"Yea?"

"Can I check your arms?"

"Carlos."

"You said that I could! You can't just go back on your word!"

"Okay, okay you can look after we eat."

Carlos nodded his head, and went back to eating his eggs. I ate my slowly.

"I'm done let me see," Carlos said, standing up.

"But I'm not," I said.

"Well to bad."

"Why do you want to see so badly, anyway?"

"Logie, you're hurting your self."

"I haven't, the last time was the first week I was here."

"Then let me see. Please."

"Fine."

I got up and took of my shirt. I felt Carlos' hand over my chest, going to my arms and wrist.

"Where did you get these buries?" Carlos asked, his hand on my hips.

I looked down to my hips where Carlos' hands where. I saw that there were orange-yellow.

"Carlos there were their last time," I said.

"Yea, but how did you get them?" Carlos asked.

"Hockey," I lied.

"Wow."

"Hey I have to go call Kendall, I'll be right back," I said putting my shirt back on and walking away.

"Hey Logan, can I have your eggs?" Carlos asked me.

"Yea sure," I said walking to 'my' room.

I took out my phone and called Kendall.

"Hey Logie?" Kendall said.

"I want to tell the boys today," I said, getting right to it.

"Cool. So why did you want to tell me this?"

"So I know that I would have your support."

"Logie you know that you do. You also know that the guys will still love you anyway. Right?"

"Yea I know that they will still love me."

"Good, now where are we going to meet at?"

"The pizza place."

"Cool, meet you guys there."

Kendall hanged up and I called James.

"What up Logie," James said.

"Hey James," I greeted.

"What you need?"

"I want to tell you and the guys something, so can you go to the pizza place?"

"Yea sure. It's nothing bad is it?"

"No not at all."

"Okay see you there." James said than hanged up.

I quickly took a shower, got dressed in a blue polo that goes up to my elbows, jeans and white sneakers, did my hair, brushed my teeth and when down stairs. Carlos was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Carlos are you still hungry?" I asked him.

"Yea why, are you going to make me more food?" Carlos asked me, looking at me with his puppy eyes.

"No. I was think that we would go to the pizza place."

"Okay." Carlos said getting up, running to my car.

I shaked my head, grabbed my keys from the key hanger. I walked out the house and to my car, to see that Carlos was already in the passengers sit waiting for me. I walked to the divers sit and got in. I than started to dive to the pizza place.

~At the pizza place~

Carlos and I got out the car and walked in to see that James and Kendall were already sitting in a booth so we just walked to them. Kendall was wearing a green shirt, jeans, sneakers. James was wearing a purple button up shirt, jeans, and white sneakers. James got up so Carlos can slide in and sit, then James sat down next to Carlos. Kendall moved over so I can sit next to him.

"So what did you want to tell us?" James asked me.

"Wait you wanted to tell us something?" Carlos asked me also.

"Yea. All I had to say was that I'm Bi and I have a boyfriend," I said looking down at my hands.

Kendall then wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Who's your boyfriend?" Carlos asked me.

I looked up to see that Carlos did have a smile in his face, which made me smile.

"A guy named Matt," I said, with the smile still on my face thinking of Matt.

I looked over at James and saw that he had a frown on his face.

"What's wrong" I asked James.

"You," James said he then got up, and walked out the restaurant.

* * *

Cliffhanger! Sorry for any and all spelling/grammar mistakes. Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it!


	19. All good

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

I looked over to Kendall, and saw that he was angry.

"Logie get out the way,"Kendall said, pushing me.

"No I will not let you hurt James," I said pushing Kendall back.

"Why not he was mean to you," Carlos said.

"No, I want to talk to him first," I said, as I got up and walked out the restaurant.

I saw James sitting on the sidewalk, next to the road. I walked up to him, and sat down.

"James are you mad about my sexuality?" I asked him, looked at the road.

"Logie look at me," James said.

I looked up at James, and looked at his eyes.

"I'm not mad that you're bi. I'm mad that you never told me," James said.

"I knew that I liked guys since I was maybe 10, but I also like girls. I was really confused. I didn't go to any one, because I thought that I was wrong or something. So I went on online and looked it up. I said that I was bisexual. I asked what my dad thought about gay are or bi people. His answer well, was not what I ever wanted to hear from someone I loved," I said.

"Logie you know I wouldn't care if you like guys and girls, even if it was just guys. I love you," James said.

"So we're good?"

"Yea, we're good."

"Come on let's go inside before Kendall comes out, and beats you up.

"That's that a good idea, let's go."

James and I walked back inside. I saw that Kendall got up. Kendall was about to walk to us, but I shaked my head. James, Kendall, and I all them got in our seats again.

"Are we all good now?" Carlos asked.

"Yea we are," I said.

"By the way we ordered for you guys."

"Now tell us about your boyfriend," James said.

I told them how I really really like Matt, as we ate.

"He sounds really cool," Carlos said.

"Yea man we would meet him," James agreed.

"Well I was going to ask Papa if he can talk to you parents James. So we can have dinner there, and I can let Matt meet everyone," I said.

"That sounds like a really good idea," Kendall said.

"Is your dad going to be there Logie?" Carlos asked me.

"No Carlos," I said.

"Oh, Oh okay."

"You think that my parents would care?" James asked me.

"No, I don't think anyone that's going to be at the dinner would care that I'm bi. I have a feeling all you guys are going to care about is that he is nice to me, and not some jerk." I said.

"And you're not wrong," Kendall said.

"I bet Katie wouldn't even look up from her DSI," James said.

"Mama Knight may drop something, then she'll be alright," Carlos said.

"I wouldn't bet against you guys," I said, and Kendall agreed.

"Wait does that mean that you meet his parents or going to meet them soon?" James asked me.

"I'm going to meet Matt's parents soon yes," I said.

"How long have you been in this relationship?"

"Like yesterday."

"And you guys are meeting the family already?!"

"Yes James we are!"

"Calm down Logie. It's just that you guys did just start going out," Kendall said.

"Yea, but I don't want to hide that I do have a boyfriend. I want to be true in who I am," I said.

"That make's sense. Now you think we can corndogs?" Carlos asked us.

* * *

I know I know I haven't updated in a long time, and I am very sorry! I am also sorry for the short chapter. Sorry for any and all grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it!


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